August 3, 2012

Recently, Jools Oliver, wife of chef Jamie Oliver, and writer Samantha Brick both proudly declared that they check their husbands’ emails and phones regularly, and credit their successful marriages in part to such snooping. Oliver said that even though she monitors her husband’s email, phone and Twitter account, “He says I’m a jealous girl, but I think I’m fairly laid-back, considering.”


While it may work for them, I would caution against following their lead. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should find out everything you possibly can about someone, even someone you’re sleeping with or married to. I know because I once read my boyfriend’s email (while using his computer with his permission) and found out he’d been sleeping with prostitutes while having unprotected sex with me, and promptly broke up with him. Do I wish I’d remained ignorantly blissful for a little while longer? Not necessarily, but it was a harrowing way to find out. With an ex, I read an email that criticized me in a way that I’ve never forgotten, and in that case, I wish I hadn’t seen it, because it wasn’t intended for me.

Cleis Press Editor Rachel Kramer Busell gives some words of advice about snooping around your partner’s email or phone on The Frisky .


tags #the frisky #rachel kramer busell #email #phone #cleis press #snooping